Isn’t it great when we reach those milestone birthdays and have a celebration with our favourite friends and family?  Whether it’s an all-out party or a quiet gathering, it makes us feel special and happy.  Adding another layer to your birthday ‘do’ is incorporating a small ceremony either at the beginning, or in the middle of your gathering.  It can incorporate the lighting of a special candle;  a special reading;  those guests that wish to can come forward and say a few words.

Bringing such a ceremony into your milestone birthday, lifts the tone of your gathering to one of reflection and gratitude.  That we are here still to celebrate these birthdays should fill us with joy!

These birthdays are a great time to stop, take stock of how far you’ve come and turn your face to the future with renewed confidence. They are times to look around at those that you love that are still with you, and think on those that are not.  A time to be grateful you are still here to laugh, love and enjoy great cake!

Ceremonies and rituals have been held since ancient times to acknowledge and celebrate milestones in peoples’ lives.  Many of these, such as Weddings, Funerals and Christenings, are regularly celebrated to this day.  Some ceremonies commonly held in ancient, pagan times, such as the Celebration of the Full Moon, are rarer, although still held by today’s Pagans and Wiccans or just those who wish to celebrate a strong connection to earth.

We already know that we don’t have to be a follower of any religion to have a Naming Ceremony, the secular equivalent of a Christening.  This also applies to many other ceremonies.  We should also think about other important times in our lives, such as a special birthday, or the coming through the other side of a life-threatening illness.  The ceremonies or rituals do not have to be long.  They can simply be a few words spoken before a gathering of friends and/or family at the start of the celebration, the lighting of a candle, the burying of the paraphernalia of everything that represented an illness.  Rituals such as these are moving and powerful, leaving everyone feeling somehow lighter, as loving energies surround all.

This week, I want to talk about the Adolescent Ceremony.

Many of you would be familiar with the Bar or Bat (female) Mitzvah.  This coming-of-age ceremony is celebrated when the child reaches 13.  It is considered an age where they must take responsibility for their actions – no longer a ‘child’.  Of course, we also know that in tribal communities around the world, this is also the age when boys are removed from their mothers, taken away for days and nights and initiated into a ‘warrior’.  It is certainly not a new idea to celebrate this special time in a child’s life.  What is more new, is celebrating it in a secular way.

Adolescence is a time of change – sometimes even trauma.  In this era of drugs, social networking and cyber-bullying, teenagers can feel alone and unsafe.  An Adolescent Ceremony shows your teenager that they are important, loved and special.  Family and friends add their support, offering a listening ear at any time in the future that the adolescent feels lost.  The ceremony can include the symbolic ‘putting away’ of childish toys and a special gift, such as a ring, to mark the occasion.  Guests can become involved.  Your teenager will be made to feel that their opinions are important.  They will be made to realise that becoming an adult also involves responsibility.     As they negotiate the minefield that is growing up, they will draw strength from the love and support that was forthcoming at this ceremony and their special gift, will be a constant reminder of their importance in the lives of their loved ones.

One ceremony that has gained in popularity over the last few years is the Renewal of Vows.  Couples like to renew their vows for many reasons.  They may have been married for many, many years and want to celebrate the longevity of their love in front of family and friends, many of whom may have attended their first wedding!  Who could not be moved and inspired by the Renewal of Vows of an elderly couple, such as this:

Many couples don’t want to wait that long – and there is no reason why they should!  Some think of the number – 10, 25, 30 years.  What a wonderful way to celebrate these milestones!

However, for many couples, renewing their Wedding Vows is for a much more personal reason.  Perhaps they have had a challenging time in their marriage and not only survived as a couple, but emerged with a marriage even stronger then before.  This is cause for celebration!  Or there have been health issues that have brought them closer and given them a new appreciation for each other.  They want to publicly demonstrate their gratitude and continuing love.  Whether married for one year or 50.

A Renewal of Vows ceremony has a flow-on benefit to your guests, as well.  Those that are married cannot help but examine their own journey as a couple and perhaps feel inspired that love can, indeed, conquer all!

If you really want to make your Wedding Day a day to remember, you may want to consider a Themed Wedding.  A well-known Themed Wedding would have to be a medieval theme, such as this one:

You may want to take medieval a step further and make it Elizabethan, complete with amazing costumes and hairstyles:

However, if medieval is not your thing, think about what is.  Perhaps  a book-theme.  For example, a Harry Potter inspired or Game of Thrones wedding!

Were you always a fan of super heroes – what about the Bride dressed as Bat Girl and the Groom Superman?  Were you a fan of Xena, Warrier Princess?  What fun it would be planning that costume!!

Are you a fan of the sixties?  Think Audrey Hepburn:

Or Rock Around The Clock! Or Flower Power/Hippie.  Look at this:  The Beatles!!

Or what about the roaring twenties – a theme that gained momentum with the release of the new version of the film The Great Gatsby:

As I always say – make the wedding about the two of you – no one else!

Oh, by the way, I am always happy to dress in-theme too!!

A Pregnancy Blessing can be a wonderful addition to your Baby Shower or, for you pregnant brides out there, can be a lovely inclusion in your Wedding Ceremony!

Just one example is guests coming forward, laying their hands on pregnant mum-to-be’s tummy and voicing their hopes and wishes for the unborn babe.  Or perhaps only the grandparents-to-be, talking about their love and excitement.  This is especially moving during a wedding.  It is a way of bringing baby into the ceremony.

Or you may wish me to read a beautiful poem and call on everyone to silently bless the baby and send their very best wishes for a speedy birth and recovery.

You may even wish to have a Pregnancy Blessing as a function in itself.  You and your friends perhaps sitting in a circle and talking about the baby, with a blessing and Champagne (non-alcoholic for the pregnant lady!) to finish off!

It’s a lovely warm and uplifting ceremony that will leave everyone feeling touched and moved.

In this digital age, where most communication is via email, Facebook and/or Twitter, it is lovely, and seems almost quaint, to receive an invitation via the post – or snail mail as it was always known!   Especially when that invitation stands out as something different and unique.

As with other details, if you want your Wedding or Renewal of Vows ceremony to be memorable, start with an invitation that is creative.  There are many fun ideas out there, such as a balloon or ‘scratchie’:

Then there’s the jigsaw puzzle or comic-book:

I love the movie-ticket theme, the message in the bottle and the knot that’s tied as the card is opened:

I think my favourite of these is a toss-up between the scratchie and the balloon!

What about these Baby-Naming Ceremony invitations?

I think the bib is just darling!!

What’s your favourite?  Does this inspire you to think a little outside the box? Remember, all the little details that you make uniquely your own, from the invitations, to the creation of your ceremony and then the party afterwards will ensure your day, whatever it is, will be one that will stand out in the minds of your guests as one of the best they’ve attended!

After last week talking about wedding dresses, this seems a good time to talk about hair and makeup.   How do you see your hair on the Big Day?  Do you really need that elaborate, complicated updo?  Have you seen some of the photos of the more natural styles?  There is something soft, pure and gentle about hair styled into a side braid.  Flowers, real or artificial, can be woven into the braid.  Wispy, floating pieces can be tonged, just a little, to make them into soft waves.  Your bridesmaids could have similar styles, but maybe with their braids twisted into messy buns, again decorated with flowers.  You could make it something lovely to do with your bridesmaids – you could do each other’s hair!  You could have a day of practising beforehand until you find that right style!

No-one knows your hair like you do.  I’m sure you have used tongs yourself at some time to put gorgeous, soft curls into your hair.  Think about when you felt the most beautiful.  Maybe that stiffer, formal updo is not for you.  Spending the reception feeling those dreaded pins in your hair will not be fun either!

If you are really set on having your hair ‘done’, what about having a quiet word with your hairdresser?  Offer to pay him/her cash to do your hair at home for a cheaper rate than at the salon.  It will cost you much less and your hairdresser may be more than happy to do it!  You all come together with just-washed hair (washed at your own homes), a good chair, mirror and the Champagne flowing!

Makeup does not need to be any harder.  Many women feel a little lost when it comes to skillfully putting on makeup.  No problem.  Spend time in the cosmetic areas of department stores, getting your face made up.  Do it once or twice a week, going to a different place each time.  Get an idea of what you like, what looks good.  No need to say what you’re doing!  Just ask about their products, explain you are unsure where to begin and explain the kind of look you are thinking of – a lighter, natural look, or a heavier, evening face.   Watch carefully what they do.  Buy some of the products to test out on yourself when you get home.  Don’t hesitate to go back to get instructions on how to use the eyeliner you just bought, or where exactly the best place to put that blusher is!  Or go online – there are many makeup demonstrations on YouTube!

If you still don’t feel confident about doing it yourself, ask one of the makeup people you like in the Department Store if they would be interested in a cash-in-hand job to do yours and your bridesmaid’s makeup at your home on the day.  Again, you may be surprised to find that they are delighted to be asked.

What it boils down to is just taking the time to think where you can cut costs – without sacrificing your dreams!

I see many, many posts of stunning wedding dresses.  Some look exquisite and indeed, I often repin or post some I think are particularly beautiful.  But you know, the cost of some of these dresses staggers me!  I know, that to many girls, this dress is the most important part of their day.  Can you find a dress that is still jaw-dropping to look at, but does not cost in the thousands of dollars?

Well, I say, YES YOU CAN!!  All you need is a little imagination – think outside the square – and perhaps the help of a dressmaker or alteration company.

Research the styles you like.  Make a Pinterest pin board, or make hard copies to paste into a scrap book or pin on to a cork board.  Then, armed with you ideas, start looking.  You could check out ebay for a pre-loved dress – but make it your own.  For example, if you love a straight up and down dress and you find the basic shape you like, think how you could change the bodice.  If it’s higher cut, you could get a dressmaker or alteration company to change the neckline.  You could add beading, doing it yourself by hand or perhaps by someone you know who is clever with a needle.  You can turn it into the style you like.  If you have the basic dress, you can work on it and make it new again.  Look at search engines!  Type in ‘How to Remake a Wedding Dress’ and you will see all sorts of ideas – Pinterest is just one of many.  There are step by steps on Youtube as well.

If you really can’t cope with the idea of remaking a pre-loved dress, have a look at nighties!  Yes, nighties!!  There are many gorgeous, delicate, lacy nighties that can be slightly altered to become a wedding dress.  Look a this one, for example:

If you were to wear a lovely, lacy corset under this, add a soft petticoat to counteract the see-through aspect and even add some beading or hand-sewn pearls where there is lace, you have a unique, elegant oh-so-soft and dreamy wedding dress!  Add a delicate, simple, perhaps long veil like this…

How could that not be beautiful?  And you know for sure, no-one will have a wedding dress like yours!

Here’s another idea for those of you that like shorter – instead of a nightie, a vintage ‘bridal slip’!

Again, by the addition of clever under-garments and some beading here and there, you can make the dress of your dreams!

This one would look beautiful with a shorter veil, or a simple head-piece, like this:

Think carefully before rushing to spend thousands of dollars on a dress that, in the end, is going to be worn for a matter of hours.  You will still look as beautiful as you ever imagined and with the added bonus that no-one will ever have the same dress as yours!

A really fun sub-ceremony is sharing a drink from the same vessel – symbolically joining the couple.  This ritual is done in similar ways in different cultures:

Wedding Vase, from American Indian tribes, in particular the Navajo and Pueblo peoples.  The couple drink from the vessel as a symbol of two individuals whose lives are becoming as one:

The Quaich (pronounced “quake” from the Gaelic word “cuach”) originated in Scotland.  This Scottish drinking vessel was used to offer a guest a ‘welcome cup’ and also as a ‘farewell’ drink (usually with a dram of whisky!).  Great especially if you have Scottish heritage.

A Wedding or Loving Cup comes in many different shapes and sizes, from many cultures.

There is even a German loving cup which is drunk from both sides!

Handfasting, Time-Capsules and Drinking Vessels are just three sub-ceremonies – there are many more – too more to keep listing here!  Remember that you can incorporate them in a traditional way, or slightly alter the ritual to suit you.  Whichever way you do it, you know that your ceremony will be unique and memorable!

When considering sub-ceremonies, many of my couples become excited by the idea of a Time Capsule.  A Time Capsule is usually done one or two ways:

Time Capsule #1

When guests arrive, they are given some paper and pen to write a very special wish and/or message for the couple, which will be put into a box or glass jar, or some other receptacle, for the couple to open and read on their first anniversary, as a reminder of their beautiful wedding day and the love of all there.

Time Capsule #2

 A box or glass jar, or some other receptacle into which you put some or all of the following:

– Memorabilia from your ceremony, such as the invitation.

– A copy of your wedding ceremony.

– Your horoscopes for the day.

– A sealed letter to your spouse about how excited you are to be starting your life together, or some other private message.

– Sealed letters from a select group of special friends and/or family, writing their good wishes for your future life together, expressing their love, or some other private messages.

– A CD of the songs played at your ceremony and reception.

– A bottle of wine or Champagne to share when you open the box on your first anniversary.

You could then seal it up again, to be reopened every year, on every anniversary.  You could add each year:

– Special photos of your past year together.

– Each could write on a piece of paper a list of highlights of the year.

– Each could write on a piece of paper their hopes and dreams for the next year.

– A note to one another about how you feel about each other and perhaps how happy your spouse has made you – maybe something he/she did in particular.

– A fresh bottle of Champagne or wine to enjoy the next year!

Keep all these items in another special box – as the years pass you will love reading and re-reading them.

You don’t have to do it every year either – you may want to open it after ten years of marriage, or any time you feel you need to re-connect.  The choice, as always, is yours!

We seal the box or jar, incorporating it into your ceremony.  Your guests will love it – and of course, it will be memorable!

I want to talk today about making your wedding extra special.  When planning your ceremony, try to incorporate a sub-ceremony.  A sub-ceremony is a ceremony within the ceremony! It is one of the wonderful advantages of having a celebrant wedding.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll give you some examples of sub-ceremonies that you can incorporate to make your day truly one you and your guests will love.  Remember, it is very easy to forget a wedding.  I’m sure you have attended many ho-hum weddings.  Nice, but nothing that particularly stands out in your mind weeks later.  I have been told by my couples that the sub-ceremonies we do have brought responses such as ‘this was the best wedding I have attended’ from their guests!

I would first like to talk about Handfasting or Handbinding.  The concept of a Handfasting is said to have originated with the ancient Celtic culture. This is where the saying: “tying the knot”, comes from.   During the ceremony, the couple’s hands are (loosely) tied together with one or several coloured cords or ribbons, symbolising the desire of the couple to be united. The cord is often kept by the couple in a box or ornate bag as a reminder of their vows.  Handfastings, which in the past were done as a commitment for a year and a day, can today be incorporated into a legal wedding ceremony.

Traditionally, all of the colors in handfasting cords have meaning.  For example, for a three-strand cord, you may wish to include Red, which represents will, love, strength, fertility, courage, health, vigour and passion;  Light Blue, which stands for tranquility, understanding, patience and health;  and Green, which means fertility, luck, prosperity, nurturing, beauty, health and love.

Beads and charms can be added.  For instance, if two people are marrying of different faiths, charms representative of those faiths can be added – a crucifix for a Christian, the Star of David representing the Jewish faith.  Or charms representing a culture can be added – for example, someone of Greek heritage could have a charm representing an olive branch.  You may wish to have charms representing children or step-children of the relationship.  Or simply the initials of the bride and groom!

You can weave precious items in the cords.  For example, you can cut a strip of fabric from something precious, such as an item of clothing that belonged to a loved one who has passed on and incorporate it into the cords.

I can tie the knot, or you can ask a special guest to do it.  Or, you can simply have family and/or friends lay ribbons over your joined hands, giving you their own, personal blessing out loud.  I then gather up the ends and tie them.

One thing I can tell you for sure – your guests will love it!  And they won’t forget your wedding!

Sometimes, when arranging your wedding or baby-naming ceremony, it’s with a touch of sadness for family or friends no longer with you, who can’t be there at this very special time in your life.  This is where a memorial candle comes in.  You can have it sitting on the signing table, together with a photo of your loved one/s, or on a table by itself, like this:

During the ceremony, we pause for a moment to think about the missing loved one/s, as I, or someone else of your choosing, lights the candle.

Another way of doing it is to light a candle lit in front of a framed quote, such as this:

Remember, you can have precious items belonging to the person also on the table.  Perhaps a favourite scarf or tie.  Or a book they always read to you.  All of this brings the precious person – or animal –  into the ceremony in a meaningful and moving way.  You will always be glad you included them in this way.

When planning your ceremony, don’t just think about instrumental music (see my previous post!), but consider singing.

For centuries, people have come together at times of celebration and sung, whether in church, cultural gatherings, or even theatre.  And who does not get chills down their spine when listening to a large choir, harmonising, their voices almost raising the ceiling?  What about the talent of singing without music, a cappella, perfectly on pitch – the true test for a singer?

Consider the inclusion of singing at your ceremony.  The singer can stand alone singing.  Or you can have the singer lead the guests in song, everyone provided with the words, perhaps as the Bride arrives.

Many people are ‘secret singers’ and would love the opportunity to express their joy in this way! And singing adds a moving moment to a funeral service – perhaps during a photographic tribute to your dear one.

You could have a solo singer, a duo, a trio – even a small choir!  Think about the sort of music you like and what you think would sound better with that particular song or songs.  Consider your friends and acquaintances.  Many people know someone who sings.  Or investigate the hiring of a singer or singers on the internet.

Singing is another beautiful way to make your ceremony unique – truly yours!

When considering music for your wedding, consider live music.  Truly, it does make a difference to the atmosphere.  It could be a folk-type guitarist, a trio of violin players or simply one person playing guitar, while another sings.  It can be cultural, such as a recent wedding I did where a trio played Persian music, including the lovely sounds of the mandolin.  Or, if you have an indigenous background, a didgeridoo player would make your celebration truly unique.  Or a Scottish piper – so moving!  Your live music can play as guests arrive and mingle, as the Bride makes her entrance and can entertain the guests while the paperwork is being signed.  And of course, that very special moment when the newly-married couple come forward for their congratulations!  Gentle music playing in the background while someone does a poetry reading is also lovely.

Look to your circle of friends.  Often, if you don’t know someone yourself, someone knows of, or are related to, a musician or singer.  Word of mouth is often better, as you may find an amateur singer/musician who will not be a large expense, but add so much to your Wedding Day.  Or ask your Celebrant.  We have a pool of fellow-celebrants always happy to offer suggestions.  Music can truly help make your Wedding Day magic.

Talking funerals can be challenging.  Most people don’t want to think about it until it’s thrust on them.  This, of course, is the worst time to make decisions.  Being swept away by grief can lead you to make decisions you would not have made under normal circumstances.  For example, you may not realise that you don’t have to arrange your funeral through a funeral director, although they will take a lot of the pressure of the step-by-step organising of the service away from you, which is a good thing.  After all, this is their area of expertise.  But perhaps you would like to organise down to the last details yourself.  For many people, keeping busy like this helps.  For example, you may wish to arrange to have your loved one cremated and organise the service yourself somewhere else.  It may be a private function room in a favourite restaurant.  It may be a beautiful park or garden, a personally meaningful spot.  Indeed, anywhere you can have a wedding ceremony you can, in fact, have a funeral service.

Just remember, you have a choice.

Hope you had a great weekend – our mild weather has been amazing!  Lucky the couple who decided to get married over the last couple of weeks!

I recently saw this picture:

An Aboriginal Smoking Ceremony!  This was was conducted by the Ngarrindjeri people.  If you have an indigenous background, consider including this wonderful, moving ceremony.  Or if you have a different cultural background, ask me to investigate or research yourself what may be woven into your Wedding or Commitment Ceremony.  This is the beauty of a Celebrant ceremony – your choice for cultural inclusions is endless!  And I emphasise ‘your choice’.  That is what it is all about, after all.

I’m looking out of my window as I write this morning and the sun is shining.  The house is on the cold side but the warmth of the sun coming through makes me want to be outside.  As long as you have enough clothing on for comfort, a walk in the sunshine in autumn/winter lifts the spirits and blows away those cobwebs – don’t hibernate!  Take a walk in your lunch hour, even for five minutes.  Allow the not-so-intense sun to lightly kiss the skin on your face.  You will feel a million times better when you go back inside, ready to face the afternoon.

People still get married in autumn and winter.  Of course, you have to have that back-up bad weather plan – but you always need that anyway, no matter what the season!  There are beautiful sunny days in autumn and winter, though, just like today.  Perhaps you have guests coming from overseas, when they get their summer holidays coinciding with our cold weather.  It can be to your advantage!  You may find the reception places you like offer discounts over this period, as well as other services, such as florists or bakers.  And the photos!  Perhaps with the sparkle of dew on the grass or leaves.  You can get creative with your dress, beautiful lacy long sleeves, or perhaps a divine (faux) fur wrap like this:

So don’t be spooked by the season!  If you think an autumn/winter wedding may be for you just go ahead and book!  And guess what?  Mention this blog and I will give you a 10% discount on your ceremony!  How can you resist?

Phew!  Summer is certainly a busy time for couples to get married!  This year is already passing by at the speed of light.  Many weddings, but you know what?  Every one is different.  Some Handfasting.  Rose giving.  Candles.  The thing about ceremony is, no matter whether you want something small and simple, or large and extravagent, there is a ritual to suit.  Something to make it stand out as YOURS.  And my newest addition – my beautiful broom!

Jumping the broom, like Handfasting and many other rituals, has a rich history.  People often ‘Jumped the Broom’ after a Handfasting.  We can decorate it with the colours of your wedding party and attach flowers.  You can do a quick step over it, if you’d prefer, holding on to one another for support, as you will in your married life.  Lovely!  have you thought about adding something a little extra to your special day?  Let me help you make it memorable!

Well, a Happy New Year to everyone!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!  The holiday season is my favourite time of the year.  I am very childish – I love the flashing lights, the Myer Christmas windows and the beautifully decorated trees!  I conducted two weddings around the Christmas period – it is such a beautiful time to be married.  In fact, I was married myself on Boxing Day!  Neither of us have ever forgotten our anniversary haha!

January is already a busy time for bookings – couples are perhaps on holidays, planning their year.  I am even receiving queries regarding next Christmas!  So…if you’re getting married this year, now is the time to book!  And don’t forget to check out my Facebook page for ideas!

When you think of beautiful places for ceremonies, you would have to include the Dandenongs, wouldn’t you?  I myself was married in the Dandenongs many years ago and I’m here to tell you it hasn’t changed a bit!

For pure, rustic charm, I recommend you have a look at Gum Gully Farm – gumgully.com.au:

This chapel is adorable, but these two pictures truly do not do the place justice!  You must look at their website and see the beautiful photos, including, animal lovers, the bride and bridegroom with deer!  Now that would make a unique addition to your wedding album!  So many lovely places to hold the ceremony.  Speak to the wonderful Colin or Sue, who are just so easy and friendly.

If your tastes swing more towards old English, you must visit Marybrooke Manor – marybrooke.com.au:

You will truly feel like you’ve stepped into Elizabethan days in Ye Olde England!  The gardens are immaculate, the dining areas stunning and they  have accommodation for the bride, groom and anyone else wishing to stay the night!  Convenient for those elderly relatives!   The General Manager, Lisa Thomas is very helpful.  What a place to work!

Start shortlisting your fav spots and have a day or two of purely travelling around Victoria.  I’m sure good, warm weather is just around the corner – why not have a picnic as well?  Enjoy your search!